Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
