I'm laying in your front yard are you home
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Randomize
