Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can I color on your dick again?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
