Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
