I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
