I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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