I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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