I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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