It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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