Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm passing your future prison.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
