we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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