is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
this is an emotional support booty call
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
