I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i came on her dog
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
