why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
