Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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