omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
