Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
