He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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