If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
