Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
