you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
