I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
