how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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