Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there's paper in my vomit.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Drunk is a universal language darling
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
