I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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