Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
