Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
