just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
