so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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