Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
