Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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