We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
