Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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