Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Randomize
