you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
