...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
