hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
