dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
