Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
