Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I've blown a few things in my day
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
