Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
