I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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