I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
