im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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