So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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