Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
