I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Pants are for mortals
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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