i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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