I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
