the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
