I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
