Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
