Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
