She is in my trunk
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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