roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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