so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
