what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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