so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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